A Love Affair With the World

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December 2, 2015

Now that it’s December, the date that I leave Spain seems a lot closer. Perspective is a funny thing.  Spain has truly been a bundle of joy. So sunny, so bright, so colourful – basically everything I wish I could be in life. I really like Spanish culture, Spanish food, Spanish people, Spanish language, Spanish landscape – Spanish everything!

As much as I love living in new countries and as much as I’m looking forward to living in Italy, I will be very sad to leave Spain.  I fell in love with it – with laundry hanging out open windows, and ice cream on dusty paths, and glasses of wine for one euro.  I’ve watched the leaves outside my window change from summery green, to the rich tones of autumn and then flutter to the ground leaving the trees almost bare like they are now and I realize how comfortable I am here.  It will make it so hard for me to pack my suitcase and say good-bye (or adiós, in this case.)

But the thing is, I’ll probably fall just as much in love with Rome and have to go through this all over again when I eventually leave there.  Maybe if cities were people, the relationships I have with them would be little flings. Grand and scandalous love affairs.  (Just kidding, not scandalous) Because these cities really do sweep me off my feet, and I get to know the good parts and some of their bad parts too, but mostly their beautiful parts. It’s like I’m speed dating the world – jumping from city to city, getting to know it relatively quickly, and then moving on to the next. Still, I never feel quite ready to leave.  There is still so much more I’d like to explore and learn about these cities that I imagine this is what it would feel like to break up with someone you are still in love with. 

Ah well, I must keep moving. There is still so much of the world I want to meet.

People always ask me where I want to settle down one day, and I always answer “Vancouver” without any hesitation. “But what if you find someplace you like more?” they ask me.  I have to pause and think about it, but I don’t think I will.  In my heart, I’m still deeply in love with home.  It sounds silly when I say this, even in my head, but Vancouver is my one true love and no matter where I go or no matter how many times I wander away, my feet will always find their way back to it.  Maybe I’m jumping from country to country because I’m not ready to settle down yet but one day, I will be ready and when that day comes, I will return home.  

PS: I think this might be one of the weirdest metaphors I’ve ever made (and I make a lot of metaphors). 

Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

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