September 26, 2016

I think I’ve reached a weird state of anxiety.  I feel anxious, and then I find it hard to concentrate on the things I need to get done, and that leads to me feeling more anxious because nothing gets done.

I’m back to floating and I hate it.  To start with, I feel useless.  I’m at home:  not making money and not having fun.  To be quite frank, it feels like I’m back to wasting my life. I started reading this book called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now and I swear to God, it’s making me depressed. It’s making me compare my life to others and it’s throwing in a whole bunch of scary statistics that make me feel as though I’m falling behind.

I hate being 24, jobless, and living at home. It makes me feel like a loser and I don’t want to be a loser.  I know what I want to be, and I know what I want my life to be, but it seems so hard to attain and I don’t feel that young anymore. I want to get my book published.  I want to go to Asia and South America.  I want to live downtown. Do you think if I get these things, I’ll have unbreakable happiness?

Maybe I need to feel like this right now so I can feel really happy later on.  I just hope the moment of clarity will come sooner rather than later. Maybe I’m just a really impatient person….I’m trying to be patient, but the waiting is just killing me.

img_20160922_201402

Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

More Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.