September 26, 2016
I think I’ve reached a weird state of anxiety. I feel anxious, and then I find it hard to concentrate on the things I need to get done, and that leads to me feeling more anxious because nothing gets done.
I’m back to floating and I hate it. To start with, I feel useless. I’m at home: not making money and not having fun. To be quite frank, it feels like I’m back to wasting my life. I started reading this book called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now and I swear to God, it’s making me depressed. It’s making me compare my life to others and it’s throwing in a whole bunch of scary statistics that make me feel as though I’m falling behind.
I hate being 24, jobless, and living at home. It makes me feel like a loser and I don’t want to be a loser. I know what I want to be, and I know what I want my life to be, but it seems so hard to attain and I don’t feel that young anymore. I want to get my book published. I want to go to Asia and South America. I want to live downtown. Do you think if I get these things, I’ll have unbreakable happiness?
Maybe I need to feel like this right now so I can feel really happy later on. I just hope the moment of clarity will come sooner rather than later. Maybe I’m just a really impatient person….I’m trying to be patient, but the waiting is just killing me.