I’M FREE – Last Day of School Reflections!

I’M FREE – Last Day of School Reflections!


April 14, 2014: How do I feel about my last day of University? (and quite possibly, my last day of school EVER!?) I’m not sure exactly. I think Charles Dickens said it best: “it was the best of times; it was the worst of times.”

UBC was the time your backpack was so heavy you thought your back was going to break. It was the time you sat daydreaming in class about characters in novels and the times you saw people in class who looked as though they walked right out of a novel.  UBC was the time you almost told a boy you barely  knew that you liked him underneath the cherry blossoms.  UBC was the time you stared dumbly at your econ exam and wrote song lyrics instead. It was the time you never passed an accounting exam and the time you learned that flowers always come back in the spring no matter how bad the winter was.

UBC was the time you saw the the same random boy multiple times throughout the years and yet you still don’t know his name (and probably never will).  It was the time you lay on your bed with tears streaming down your face because it snowed and you couldn’t go to a certain frat party.  It was the time you realized friendships are not defined by looks when you became friends with most polar-opposite looking person compared to you. It was the one and only time you ever passed out because you were that drunk.

It was the time you wrote a note and left it in the rose garden for someone to find and the time you had to spend the whole day with wet feet because the rain went through your boots. UBC was the time you had to frantically finish a report at the 11th hour and the time you had to wake up at 4:30 to finish a case study you knew about for weeks. It was the time you left the house when it was still dark and came home when it was even darker.

It was the time you wandered through the library tipsy, laughing at all the “nerds” who were already studying on the 1st day of school. It was the time you wore new shoes to school and could barely walk by the end of the day because you had blisters. It was the time you sat by the fountain wondering why handsome boys never came up to talk to you the way they did to girls in books. UBC was the time you had the opportunity to kiss someone but you  didn’t because you wanted your first kiss to be meaningful.

It was the time your econ professor ended every class with “make a difference” and the time you read your book instead of taking notes in psych class.  It was the time you lay curled up in a ball on your bed wondering what you were supposed to do with your life because you just found out you had failed two classes. It was the time you stared blankly at question after question on exams wondering how you could know absolutely nothing. There was a lot of wondering…remember that?

But through all the wondering and the late nights, early mornings, and wet feet, you came out of it alive. And that’s something worth celebrating.

My experience at UBC wasn’t everything they promised me it would be.  It fell short of most of the things they said would happen. I don’t want to get too sentimental about things (or at least more than I already have) but am I different than the girl who wore eye liner (about an inch above my eye) for practically the first time on orientation day? I hope so. I hope I’m better than that girl. I hope I’m wiser and braver and stronger. But I also hope that I still have a little bit of that girl in me.  She was pretty great, wasn’t she? The way she got so excited about the little things. The way she wondered about the future with so much hope.  I hope that part of me never leaves – I just wouldn’t be the same.


Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

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