Losing Something You Value

Missing you. Duluth. ♥I lost my ring.  I can’t really describe the moment of panic I experienced when I happened to look down at my hand and realized that it wasn’t there. I quickly looked at my other hand in the hope that I switched the hand I usually wore it on as I sometimes do, but it wasn’t there either. Desperation set in followed by a small beam of hope and then the horror of reality landing like the thud of a rock in my heart.

I feel a little silly thinking I would find it again. I feel silly for roaming around a city in the darkness, retracing my steps with my eyes glued to the ground in the hopes that a glint of gold would catch my eye.  As if I would find something so small and insignificant in the world again.

Maybe someone else found it. Maybe someone picked it up from a muddy pile of leaves or garbage on the ground and put it on in ecstasy. My ring. The ring I got from my parents on my 16th birthday. The ring I fiddled with through every midterm question I didn’t know how to answer. The ring that got me to grow accustomed to wearing rings on my middle finger of my pointer finger. The ring I would glance at every now and then and smile at.  It would always get soap underneath it and the diamonds on it would catch the sunlight and I would proudly notice it every time I lifted a cup of tea to my lips.

I know that it was just an object, but there was so much sentiment attached to it. I was already planning on giving it to one my kids when they needed hope (I admit, this was probably jumping the gun a bit).  It makes me sad that this little object won’t accompany me around the world. It won’t slide off my finger when I play the piano and it won’t be sitting on the window sill right above our sink when I do the dishes.

Although I feel heartbroken that it is gone and never coming back, I am thankful that it was just a ring and not something more important like a loved one or my finger that I lost.  Thinking about it this way helps put the reality of the loss in perspective. It’s just a ring, just a ring, just a ring. No matter how much sentimental value I place on it, it doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, it’s just a material object. Hundreds are molded and created every day (I assume).

Good bye, little ring. I will miss you dearly; more than words can say. I hope you are on some nice girl’s finger instead of lying forgotten in some crack in the road somewhere.

PS: On a side note, future husband: please don’t get me a ring. I will probably  end up losing it too.

PPS: I feel like Gollum. Who knew I was so obsessed with a ring.

Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

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