Finishing my last exam EVER at University!

Finishing my last exam EVER at University!

UBC Rose Garden

A little over a year ago, on April 30, 2014, I took my last exam at University. This signaled a time of change – the end of one chapter in my life and the start of a new one. Feelings of nostalgia, and regret and fear crept into my heart. Below I’ve shared with you the feelings that I documented on that momentous day.

Well, it’s official.  Today was my last exam at UBC. As I was walking to the bus, I tried to notice everything about the place that I took for granted. The rose garden – why didn’t I visit it more often? The streets were relatively empty but I could imagine how alive it usually looked, with people bustling with their friends to their next class. Good-looking people – the ones you wished would notice you. People holding books, and umbrellas, and binders. I remember how UBC looked in the rain, and in the snow. I remember how it looked when the leaves first start to turn orange and when the cherry blossoms first start to bloom.

Now it’s over and I’m sad. I’m sad that I didn’t appreciate it more and that I didn’t make more out of it. I’m sad that I never met a boy I liked or the best friend they promised me on my first day of school that I would find. I’m sad that for years and years down the road, thousands of kids will continue to walk up and down the lanes and sit through their lectures crying, laughing, wondering, thinking and finding – or trying to find – themselves. And I’ll only be able to look in from the outside.

Endings make me incredibly sad. I guess because I know it means I have to move on and actually make something of my life now. And I’m really scared about that. Once again, I’m reminded of just how big the world really is and how small I am compared to it. Life really is such a strange thing – why does it have to go so fast? I wish I could just freeze it and give myself the time I need until I’m ready to move on. Because I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t know if any of us ever feel that we are ready.

It feels like everything is ending, and I’m finding out just how precious life really is. Everyday I become more and more conscious about  it, and every day I feel more and more sad about it as well.

Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

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