The Time I got Homesick in McDonalds
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Family Trip to the Caribbean

October 3, 2015
Munich

I’m a McDonalds wondering what I should do today because I didn’t end up going to Neuschwanstein Castle. 1) It’s too complicated to get there and I don’t have the energy right now to figure it out and 2) The viewing bridge is inaccessible at the moment, so I figure what’s the point of going because I really want to stand on that bridge and 3) I’m tired.

Actually, I’m starting to feel a little bit homesick right about now. I don’t know if it’s because I suddenly hit a bump in the road or because I’m tired or because I’m worried about money or because Kevin and Dustin were talking about Thanksgiving dinner, but I suddenly feel really alone and vulnerable and all I want to do is hug Mommy. Oh shoot…I think I’m starting to cry. I just sent Mommy a message.

I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself because I’m so incredibly lucky to be in Europe and for the most part, I’ve been having the time of my life…but I’m just shy of two weeks of being four months away from home, and I think this is what homesickness feels like. Homesickness is when you’d rather sit in McDonalds than go to Oktoberfest or when you feel ‘too tired’ to make a trip to a castle you’d really like to see.

It’s only 10am. Eventually I will drag my butt to the party, but for now I will just sit here. I can’t write too much about home at the moment because I don’t want to start a waterfall of tears. I can’t look at pictures of us without feeling sad and lonely and really far away from everyone. I think I need a friend. I just need a friend to talk to and take my mind off things. I will miss Krystyna’s birthday tomorrow and that makes me sad too.  I’ve never missed her birthday. Not since the day she was born.

I don’t think I’m doing myself a favour, sitting here surrounded by drunk Germans who are only making me feel more alone. What I really want to do right now is hug Mommy. Okay, I need to stop writing now because the tears have come and I don’t want to cry in McDonalds. I am going to go now and try to have fun.

It’s nice to travel alone sometimes but it’s not nice to feel alone. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone stand beside you and tell you that they love you.

Kazandra Pangilinan

Kazandra is probably not that different from you. She eats, sleeps,and wonders about how to make the most of this life. This blog is dedicated to the trials and triumphs she has experienced in the process of growing up in her quest to find meaning, connection and happiness.

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